Been way too long...

So, where do I begin?  My sister had her wedding since I wrote in here last.  It was beautiful... Calvin and Ginny, I love you both very much and am confident that you're marriage will be full of God's blessing as you seek Him more

and as long as you keep your doors locked LOL

You're wedding was beautiful, and I'm very happy for you. 

As for me, life's been testing.  Trying to finish school well, get an internship/job, be there for my family, and of course the car is going to act up during all of this.  I'm learning to fight anxiety by not condenming myself for it.  Thank God I'm starting to realize that the reason He commands us to be anxious for nothing is because He is that great of a God, that we really don't have to be anxious.  So when I start to feel it, I just accept that its a reaction that's been programmed into my mind and body, without the knowledge of God's character, then I ignore it, it doesn't just go away, like a child throwing a temper tantrum, but it does die down more and more. 

God is gracious, the times I've been afraid to look up because I thought He was going to zap me, He was really feeling pitty and compassion for me, and already had a plan to get me out of my trouble in spite of my spiritual whining and fear.  His ways are so much higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than ours. 

Married life is good.  I thought that after I lived with someone for a year, it'd be the same as being married, now I see more and more every day why we are to be married b4 living with someone.  Anyone can enjoy a person without being committed to them, because you know you're not bound, but when you've made a covenant with that one person, that's the real test.  Satan is going to throw everything he can at you to break that covenant, because he knows the damage that will be done through breaking it. When you're not committed, he knows anything good that comes from it is not going to bear fruit, because its not based on the order God has set forth.  I thought I knew it all, now I know that I know nothing.  Some people are all heart, no mind, and some are all mind and no heart, we need to be both.  Wise as serpents and innocent as doves.  Anyone I have hurt or led to doubt by the decisions I've made, I pray to God that you will be able to forgive me, and any confusion it has brought will be turned to peace.  I have done wrong, I knew it was wrong, and I still know it was wrong, but instead of being 'afraid' of God, I am learning to respect, trust and honor Him. 

I need to go to bed...

Goodnight