Been way too long...

So, where do I begin?  My sister had her wedding since I wrote in here last.  It was beautiful... Calvin and Ginny, I love you both very much and am confident that you're marriage will be full of God's blessing as you seek Him more

and as long as you keep your doors locked LOL

You're wedding was beautiful, and I'm very happy for you. 

As for me, life's been testing.  Trying to finish school well, get an internship/job, be there for my family, and of course the car is going to act up during all of this.  I'm learning to fight anxiety by not condenming myself for it.  Thank God I'm starting to realize that the reason He commands us to be anxious for nothing is because He is that great of a God, that we really don't have to be anxious.  So when I start to feel it, I just accept that its a reaction that's been programmed into my mind and body, without the knowledge of God's character, then I ignore it, it doesn't just go away, like a child throwing a temper tantrum, but it does die down more and more. 

God is gracious, the times I've been afraid to look up because I thought He was going to zap me, He was really feeling pitty and compassion for me, and already had a plan to get me out of my trouble in spite of my spiritual whining and fear.  His ways are so much higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than ours. 

Married life is good.  I thought that after I lived with someone for a year, it'd be the same as being married, now I see more and more every day why we are to be married b4 living with someone.  Anyone can enjoy a person without being committed to them, because you know you're not bound, but when you've made a covenant with that one person, that's the real test.  Satan is going to throw everything he can at you to break that covenant, because he knows the damage that will be done through breaking it. When you're not committed, he knows anything good that comes from it is not going to bear fruit, because its not based on the order God has set forth.  I thought I knew it all, now I know that I know nothing.  Some people are all heart, no mind, and some are all mind and no heart, we need to be both.  Wise as serpents and innocent as doves.  Anyone I have hurt or led to doubt by the decisions I've made, I pray to God that you will be able to forgive me, and any confusion it has brought will be turned to peace.  I have done wrong, I knew it was wrong, and I still know it was wrong, but instead of being 'afraid' of God, I am learning to respect, trust and honor Him. 

I need to go to bed...

Goodnight

Currently Reading David A Man Of Passion And Destiny By Charles R. Swindoll see related

Today is Friday...

Its a short relief from the week, I don't work Friday nights, but I do have to work 8 hours tomorrow starting at 8 AM.  Tony our son has slept through the night for the last 3 nights, for about a week, he'd wake up every 2 hours cause he's been sick.  Its nice to be getting more sleep.  At Teen Mania, I wondered what all the waking up in the middle of the night was accomplishing in my life, but now I realize that its part of life when you have a young child.  At least I can say I've done it before.

I was listening to Charles Stanley on the way to school today, one of my favorite teachers.  Today's message was very practical and powerful.  You can listen to it here if you want. http://www.intouch.org/myintouch/broadcasts/archives_77395.html pick today's message.  He spoke about hard times in our life, how the first thing we tend to do is look at the circumstance more than God, next we start to feel stressed emotionally and physically, after that we start to hear and believe the whispers of Satan.  Doubt starts coming into our minds.  I've found myself in this place so many times, and its hard to get out.  God has been speaking to me a lot lately about speaking His word, promises and truth about Himself even if we don't feel it.  Eventually our thoughts and emotions should follow, but it doesn't always happen right away.  Anyway, the point of it was, how to get back into faith after doubt has clouded our minds.  We need to remind ourself of the truth of God's word, and when we talk out loud, speaking to God and to ourself, we start to realize how big God is in comparison to our situation.  Then we begin to see things from His perspective, we see a mole hill, when a few minutes before we saw a huge mountain...  God has been speaking to me so loud and clear the past couple days, this is not the end of the road!!  I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall in my life, and it would seem that way, but God is almost shouting at me with such excitement "This is not a brick wall! This is not the end! This circumstance is no different from all the other circumstances I have brought you through the first 23 years of your life." I know I should be worried, I know I should be disturbed, but I'm not, I'm excited about the plans God has for my life and for my family.  I'm so easily overwhelmed, but right now I'm not, not because I learned how to keep from being overwhelmed, but because to God, Goliath is a dwarf!  Anyway, time to go pick up the little Tony from grandma's.

here he is

Hi everyone, for those of you who I haven't talked to in a while, I just got married to Donna Cole, now Donna Donati. I met her in January of '04, she needed a ride to school, and lived in my area.  We got to know each other more and more and fell in love... She is wonderful, and she has a little boy named Tony who I am now the father of.  This is a kid you can't not love... Some of you probably know we were living together before marriage, its a long story, coming home from Teen Mania, I had a lot of struggles, mentally... With me, I associated the feelings of culture shock after leaving Teen Mania, with my relationship with God.  I felt that my relationship with God was dependant upon my thoughts and feelings, and when those were gone, I questioned myself, and believed that my experiences weren't real.  What's amazing is that even as I was ignoring God in my life, He was still speaking to me and loving me in that time.  He is so full of love and grace, I never want to leave His side, no matter what comes against me, whether I feel Him, or not,I know He is there and that He loves me as His own.  I have learned a lot through this time, I have acted as a father and husband, and have realized God's love for us as His children, the way He disciplines us and cares for us, as well as His love for us as His bride.  He loves us when we are at our lowest, accepts us as we are and takes us to a higher level.  God doesn't tell us "I'll accept you if you do this" He says, "I accept you, and because I love you, I want you to be like My Son" Anyway, I have a lot to say, and its not going to come out in just one of these, and you're probably glad because this is long enough already...  I was always so afraid of being the prodigal son, of falling away from God, and it happened... Maybe if I wasn't so afraid it wouldn't have happened.  Reality is never as bad as the fear of it.  God help me to face reality with a smile on my face. 

Perfect love cast out all fear, he who fears has not been perfected in love.

This is my first post, and I don't know what to say

I guess my prayer for today will be that "my actions would consistently reflect your decrees!" Psalm 119:5

I don't have as much trouble doing what's right and thinking right thoughts when circumstances demand it, but what about when the time of testing hasn't come, this day is mundane, but somehow I know it is a time of testing.  I can do what's right when its obvious, but am I faithful? Am I thinking what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admarable, excellent and praiseworthy?

Oh Lord, by Your grace, may my life consistently reflect your decrees. I love Your law, I love Your ways, and I know that those who believe in You will not be dissappointed.